ELDERMAN: THE OLDEST NEW SUPERHERO - SO WHAT CAN ELDERMAN (AND HIS MANY COMPATRIOTS) ACTUALLY DO? JULY 21, 2025
The first half dozen or so of my Substack posts have been about my far-flung children, the “invisibility” of being older, what if feels like when ageism catches up to you, and other subjects that I hope have been of some interest.
But since the title of my column is “ELDERMAN: THE OLDEST NEW SUPERHERO” I think it’s time to start talking about what this ELDERMAN superhero can actually do.
ELDERMAN and ELDERWOMAN can fight back in many ways against ageism. As it is often said, ageism is the only “acceptable ism” floating around the seemingly infinite universe of “isms” these days.
I haven’t completely figured out why ageism is “okay” (though I have more than a few theories) while so many other “isms” result in everything from as loss of friends (justifiable in my opinion) to a loss of teeth (not justifiable)
My instincts and my conversations with many, many others have led to the inevitable conclusion that it’s okay to discriminate against older people, treat them (us) badly, or flat out ignore us (see my July 5th piece, “THE HIDDEN VIRTUE OF INVISIBILTY AS AN OLD MAN”) is because we are just not perceived to be a meaningful part of the fabric of society – whatever that may be.
It’s partly our fault. Older people (55-plus?) spend a lot of time trying to persuade younger generations - and ourselves – that we have this vast reservoir of wisdom, this unexploited torrent of energy, this mythical understanding of how the world works because we have lived longer.
I advise strongly against pushing the “wisdom” schtick too hard. Why? Two reasons: 1) I don’t know what wisdom means, how it is manifested, and how it is supposed to infiltrate the minds of those 20, 30, 40 years younger; and 2) I know a lot of people around my age who demonstrate on a regular basis that whatever the definition of wisdom may be, they don’t have it.
Same with the “we have energy” mantra. Some of us have a lot of it (I foolishly pride myself on being on that list ) some don’t, but as with wisdom, the value of trying to convey that to younger folks, or what good we imagine it would do if we convince them, yes, we have all this pent-up energy, is in my estimation, of marginal value. Older person to younger person: “Yeah, I have lots of energy.” Younger person response, “Great, go climb a high mountain or play a lot of pickleball” (Already climbed a high mountain, don’t enjoy pickleball.)
And as for understanding that we know how the world works because we have lived longer, that seems to be a non-starter. Maybe we do, maybe we don’t, but I don’t recall listening all that carefully to gray-haired sages in their 60s and 70s very closely when I was 30. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.
So, what CAN we do?
Most of the older people I know well fall into one of two categories: 1) Quiet and respectful and 2) loud and less respectful. Both are fine, but in terms of what we can do, I lean (slightly) toward the latter.
When we are ignored in a crowd of younger people, we have every right and maybe an obligation, to say, “Hey, I’m right here, and I may have things to say that may help you!” When we continue to be ignored, as we will be, a nudge like, “Would you at least listen a bit before deciding I’m just an old person who will die soon?” (Or maybe a somewhat more polite version of that.)
When we are in a classroom or a boardroom or a town hall or a community meeting, and nobody over 60 gets much of a chance to talk, we can say, “You know, I don’t know how much we older folks have to offer, but we’re here, we’re alive, and our voices may be as valuable as anyone else in the room.”
As an old guy, I got to observe first-hand, and often, how women and people of color were treated, or mistreated, or just ignored back in the 1970s and 1980s, and how when they stood up for themselves, the response and the narrative changed – often quickly.
With 120 million or so people in the United States over 50, there’s every reason to believe, or at least hope, that speaking up (in civil discourse) will have a similar impact today.
Then, of course, we can also come to the defense of our older compatriots when we see them being mistreated: snarled at when we have more than the 15 items allowed in an express line; told our time is over and we need to make room for the next generation(s); and in a very minor example, asked if our student ID card is real, as I often was, when I returned to school full time at age 70.
There is more we need to do, and I welcome your suggestions about how ELDERMAN and ELDERWOMAN can make our presence known - and felt - and I’ll be writing more about this in upcoming pieces.
I never advocate for violence, but I do advocate for voices to be heard. That seems like a bare minimum. We may not have superpowers like Iron Man or the Black Panther.
But we do have superpowers that can make a difference.